Why KStew and Rpats Shouldn't be Max and Fang
by iSplodeyedEmmett'sFridge
Summary: One Hundred reasons why Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson should not play Max and Fang in the Maximum Ride Movies.
1. Chapter 1

I am currently sleep deprived/high off of sugar right now so I am not accountable for anything I say. Maybe I should go write a crack FF…

**Emmett: Sounds fun! Can I be in it?**

**Me: Isn't this a MR FF?**

**Emmett: ^Morphs into Fang^ What do you mean? I am from MR!**

**Me: Wow I am sleep deprived. I also don't own anything about MR or Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson… I don't own any famous crap so please don't sue me! Well, I do own some of these ideas. So does FlyingNargles and earlybirdiex . Also please do not get mad at me for these ideas! If you don't like them and love either KStew or RPats then I suggest that you don't read any of these and do not send me flames! I warned you… and if you do send me flames I will get especially angry!!!!**

Reasons One Through Ten:

Kristen Stewart looks nothing like Max

Robert Pattinson Looks nothing like Fang

KStew is monotone and could never pull of playing Max. Especially when Max is pissed.

RPats would never dye his hair black to look like Fang because his precious hair is "75% of his acting"

Kristen Stewart is too old to play Max (KStew is 19)

RPats is too old to play Fang (he's 23)

Nobody wants to compare Fang to Edward Cullen (or Cedric Diggory).

If Robert Pattinson refused to get a six pack for Twilight why would he do so for the MR series?

By the time they finish filming the series (assuming there is no book after Fang even though there will be) Robert Pattinson will most likely be around 31 and he will be playing a 15 year old and Kristen will be around 27 and be playing a 15 year old.

Fang would no longer have emo hair ^sad face^

**Sorry that some of that didn't make sense and I repeated a few thing.**

**Iggy: But those things were very important!**

**Me: ^nods^**

**Fang and Iggy: I command you to give Lissa ideas!**

**Me: Oh my fnicking god! We're on first name basis now! ^faints^**

**Fang: Okay…**

**Iggy: Anywho, please give the author ideas for the list either by pm or in a review.**

**Fang: Yes! She will give you credit for them.**

**Iggy: The stupider the better.**

**Fang: Sane ones are also appreciated!**

**Iggy: And please sign St. Fang of Bordom's petition on not have KStew/RPats play Max/Fang.**

**Fang: I would greatly appreciate not being played by him.**

**Iggy: And that's reason 11. Because Fang doesn't want to be played by RPats.**

**Fang: Or kiss KStew.**

**Iggy: 12. Or Kiss KStew.**

**Fang: They get it Iggy!**

**Iggy: Review! Sign the petition (it's on the author's profile!)! and give ideas!**

**Fang: We'll give you cookies!**

**Iggy: I'll make them myself… Chocolate chip!**

**REVIEW OR NO COOKIES!**


	2. Chapter 2

**I am quite happy because many people reviewed and contributed ideas! I'm sorry Asidill that I did not get to all of your ideas, but I promise to next chapter!!!!!!! Sorry! And now on with the story.**

11. Because Fang doesn't want to be played by RPats. (Fang)

12. Fang would never kiss someone like KStew. (Fang)

13. Because Talking-Rock said that them being the 'actors', among other reasons, will ruin the movie.

14. Robert Pattinson really irks Talking-Rock (and many others) 'cause whenever she sees him all Edwardified she expects him to whip out a wand, scream Avada Kadavra you sparkly non-vampires and run away yelling like a banshee.

15. People (CrazyNerdyFangirl) hate the idea of R&K playing Max and Fang that they are willing to sign a petition twice! And you know how people feel about signing petitions.

14. Again, Robert Pattinson won't get emo hair, and Fang without emo hair is seriously, unimaginable! (CrazyNerdyFangirl)

15. RPats will _die _before he gets the role because CrazyNerdyFangirl's (and my) friends and I will kill him soon!

16. Because you know how fangirls (like myself and CrazyNerdyFangirl) get when they don't get their way… *shudders*. And_ imagine _how they'll get when their whole life is ruined due to bad acting! I mean most of us are teenagers with raging hormones and we don't take crap from nobody! What will happen when someone throws a whole shit load at us? (Excuse my Russian).

17. New people should get a chance in the acting community… people with more talent than a six year old. Wait, Kristen Stewart doesn't even have the talent of a six year old! Most six year olds are very emotional and could act great! More like the acting skills of a 90 year old. (I got that idea when reading CrazyNerdyFangirl's review)

18. _Many_ people will boycott the movie if Robert Pattinson/Kristen Stewart were in it, losing money for the company and movie.

19. Since the fans did not see the movie, they will all put their money together, and plan a huge revolt against Catherine Hardwicke/The Maximum Ride Movies/ Kristen Stewart/ Robert Pattinson.

20. People who aren't 'big shots' and who are actually _good_ at acting cost less, because it would be their first big movie. Whereas KStew and Rpats would cost a small fortune.

21. Robert Pattinson's nose is too big to be Fang's! (Asidill)

**Me: Thanks so much to the people who contributed!!!!**

**Fang/Iggy: -Gives hugs and cookies to Asidill, CrazyNerdyFangirl, and Talking-Rock-**

**Me: Now thanks to my best friends who contributed to the conversations that allowed me to think of some ideas!**

**Figgy: -gives cookies and huggles to FlyingNargles and earlybirdiex-**

**Me: And also give a cookie to Fang for giving ideas last chapter!**

**Iggy: Did you call us Figgy???**

**Me: Just give Fang his dang cookie! They look so delicious!**

**Iggy: -gives Fang cookie-**

**Fang: ^_^**

**Me: Also cookies for those who reviewed!**

**Fangles: These are a lot of people!**

**Me: -glares-**

**Fang/Iggy: -give cookies to: **TurnThePaige, FlyingNargles, earltbiriex, Asidill, CrazyNerdyFangirl, and Talking-Rock-

**Me: -takes rest of cookies-**

**Iggy: I don't even get one of my own dang cookies?!??**

**Me: Not unless people review and contribute ideas!**

**Iggy: Please contribute for my sake!!!! Those are amazing cookies!!!**


	3. Beta's Note

**B/N:** Pshhyeah! This is not an author's note, it's a BETA's note. Hi, I'm earlybirdiex, or Kimberly. I'm Larissa (iSplodeyedEmmettCullen'sFridge)'s beta for this story. The reason the author has not been updating is because her computer is broken, so she wanted me to type up this so you guy's wouldn't think she's like... abandoning you guys. D: Anyways, I don't really know _when _she'll be back on FF, but when her computer is working again, I'm sure she'll start up on her stories again.

Okay, bye!

_earlybirdiex_


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